Ten Rules for Divorcing Parents to Live By

child tax credit

The decision to proceed with divorce is extremely difficult and the road can be taxing on you as the parent and on your children.

Effects of conflict on children

We find that parents during divorce can be so entrenched in the conflict, that they do not realize how their actions affect their children.  Keep in mind that most psychologists/evaluators will say that the conflict between parents will cause the most damage to children.

Needs of children first

 In Colorado, under the best interest factors that the Court considers, one of the most important factors to demonstrate as a parent is your ability to put the needs of your children above your own needs.

Rule to live by

To ensure you put the needs of your children above your own and to avoid creating further damage to your children through conflict, we recommend you as a parent live by the following ten rules during the divorce process.

    1. Never disparage your former spouse in front of your children.
    2. Do not use your children as messengers between you and your former spouse. This includes having the child give the other parent child support checks or notes.
    3. Reassure your children that they are loved, that the divorce is not their fault, and that you will make sure that everything is all right.
    4. Encourage your child to see your former spouse frequently. Do not let your children “decide” when to spend time with the other parent.
    5. At every step of the divorce, ask yourself if your actions are designed to put your child’s interests and needs first, or whether your actions are putting your needs first.
    6. Do not let your children act as your caretaker. They only get one chance to have a childhood – let them have it.
    7. If you have a drinking or drug problem, make it your first priority to get and stay sober.
    8. If you are supposed to pay child support, pay it, whether you are seeing the child or not.
    9. If you are supposed to receive child support but are not, do not tell your ex-spouse or the child that there will be no visitation unless child support is paid. And do not tell the child that child support is not being paid.
    10. If at all possible, do not change your child’s home, school, doctor, or friends.


Kalamaya | Goscha is a Colorado law firm founded by Ryan Kalamaya and Amy Goscha. The boutique mountain law practice specializes in divorce, child custody, and family law. Kalamaya | Goscha has law offices in Edwards, Aspen, and Glenwood Springs. To speak to an attorney call (970) 315-2365.

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